Friday -- Love and Care

We saw this yard sign on our afternoon walk: "Make America Care Again -- Biden President 2020."

And this one more to the point: "Hate will not make us (US) Great!"

We've spent the last two days crying and talking and working through our grief. We are lucky to have one another to do that. We both have experienced some healing and some back-sliding, when a wave of grief overwhelms. 

Thoughts on our grief and journey to joy . . .

Biology
We all have a finite life span. Dogs have a much shorter span. We are most likely going to outlive our pets. Dee Dee used up her full life allotment. She did it with a unique force. She was true to herself and her biology. She did it without apology, embarrassment, shame, or regret. What a great gift to the universe and what a lesson to us to use our limited amount of time to its fullest.

Law of Conservation of Energy
John said that we must let Dee Dee go so that she can return her energy to the universe. The Law of Conservation of Energy says that "energy cannot be created or destroyed." Dee Dee was a fierce protector and loyal companion. The world could use that energy.

Plans
Robert Burns says that "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." We planned for the three of us to retire together in Florida and begin a new life. We made it to retirement successfully, but the new life we will have to create without her. Up until 2018, she was an incredibly healthy dog, with only routine annual physicals. There was a mention of a "heart murmur" around 2015, but "murmur" sounds so innocuous. Since there was nothing to be done, we dismissed it as a concern. Then she blew out her knees. Then her kidneys began failing in 2018, and we started her on special food. She did a good job of holding off both heart disease and kidney disease to get to September 1, the date of my retirement.

Moving on is hard
We have to redo our lives now and learn to live without her. Everything is different: The first night in bed. The first morning. The first trip to the grocery store when her food issues were not the main things on our minds. The first car trip to the beach or causeway. The first walk around the block. Cleaning the sofa, putting away the toys, vacuuming the car, putting away her dishes. Emptying the fridge of her leftover food. Donating her food and meds. Learning anew how to walk in a room without expecting to see her. Learning to attribute noises in the house to some other source. We have to invent new routines or decide to continue the old ones without her, even when they were created for her.

Her salient characteristic
We called Dee Dee our "back-up dog" as a joke. The truth is she was so much more than that, even though it took us time and maturity to see her unique personality and what she had to offer. The reason she had to be touching her companions at all times is likely the result of her first four months, living on the streets alone, suffering from mange, malnutrition, and a collar that was too tight. When she napped or went to sleep, she needed to be touching someone in case they woke up, she would feel it and wake up, too. She was determined to never get left behind again and have to fend for herself. She felt safe and secure as long as she could touch you or see you. If she couldn't, then she'd come look for you. Once she found you, she'd lay down at your feet or sometimes leave you alone. But she would check back on you after awhile. She made you feel important and needed. Her personality made her fiercely loyal and protective. And in return, we never let her down or left her alone for long.

Love and Care
When some people lose a much-loved pet, they feel the loss so intensely that they choose never to have another dog. I get that. I don't judge. If it hadn't been for Dee Dee, we might have been a one and done dog caretaker. The loss was devastating. We learned how to heal from caring for Dee Dee. And she taught us that we could love another dog who was nothing like the one before. When the time is right, we have decided to take responsibility for another dog because we have the time, energy, love, and financial security to do so. I think there is a dog out there who needs us and who has some things to teach us.

Miles walked: 11
Miles biked: 11.69